guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
