I just threw up on my dentist
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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