I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
