I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
