There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
