What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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