well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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