dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
