low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
