Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
