If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
