All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
