I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
