The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
