Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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