Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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