Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
