well I can't set my house on fire every night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
