if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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