I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
