you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
