alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
