thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
