4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
