worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
