Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
