He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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