my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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