He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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