i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
