im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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