Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
