he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
