The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
