I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
