I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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