All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
