Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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