i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
