dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
