In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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