My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
There are leaves in my underwear?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
