i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
