About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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