I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
