nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who died my cat blue again?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
