Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
