her vagine was all disorganized.
i love accidental penises.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
