I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
