When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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