Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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